Lately, I’ve been happy. Like something, somewhere, deep
down inside, is finally okay. Maybe while the joints of my body are falling out
of place, the fragmented pieces of my soul are starting to fall into place, and
hold together with the glue that the rest of me doesn’t seem to have.
Lately this fear I’ve been suppressing about what could
possibly be wrong with me to cause these joint problems and pain has been
hovering closer to the surface, threatening to break through the thin barrier
that separates the back of my mind from my overanalyzed thoughts. And I keep on
pushing it back, refusing to think about it.
But lately I’ve been learning how to get past it. Yes, it is
kind of scary to have joints go where they don’t belong and you don’t know why.
It is kind of scary to wake up not knowing what’s going to hurt that day, how
far you’ll feel like walking that day. But it doesn’t change anything. Just something
new to deal with, another challenge to conquer. Like depression, except this is
physical. And maybe I’ll learn something. After all, I have plenty to be
thankful for.
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