The Jesus Agenda

Every Sunday, I go to church, sit through 3 hours of youth group and a sermon, and return home, very confused and a bit sad. I thought Christianity was about following Jesus. I thought Jesus was all about loving others. Therefore, shouldn't Christianity be all about loving others?
Then why don't I see it at the very place that bears His name in its title?
I see judgment. I see a bunch of people who are very alike and a few who are very different. I see the many casting judgment on the few. I see the many casting judgment on each other and on themselves and I don't think God meant for things to be this way. I think He meant for church to be a safe place for anyone to be able to go. I think He meant for us to love Him and others and ourselves and for that to be what's very important. Let God do the judging.
I listen to sermons and come away with the sense that this Christian life is very restrictive, with all these rules and regulations about what you can and can't do in order to be "holy" and "set apart". You have to be really careful with what you watch and what you listen to and you can't cuss and it's dangerous to hang around non-believers and no, you can't ever do things just for yourself because that's selfish and you have to read your Bible every day and pray like all the time and go to church at least every week and volunteer and go up to people and tell them about Jesus.
Last thing I heard, all you had to do was believe.
Just believe.
This is the God I believe in, the God who just wants everyone to believe in Him and acknowledge how awesome He is by doing stuff to love other people because they love Him and He loves them. The God who doesn't focus on building your life inside a "Christian environment" but focuses on spreading the message about Him to the world. The God who just wants us to love everybody we can because that's what He did.
John Muir said it well: "I'd rather be in the mountains thinking of God, than in a church pew thinking of the mountains."
And so, no, I will not be a "Christian girl". I was not made to read devotional books and frequent Lifeway and listen to K-Love and Instagram pictures of my modest yet fashionable outfits. Not that any of those things are bad. They just aren't me. And if you say that you can only connect with God through a certain step-by-step way, well then, I think that limits God. A God of infinite limitless power.
And so, what I will be is a Christ-follower who relies on Him, a Jesus-imitator who tries to love people.